


Best Kept Secrets

by Scarlett_Demons



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:35:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23117089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarlett_Demons/pseuds/Scarlett_Demons
Kudos: 2





	Best Kept Secrets

'I guess I just need to get it out of my system' you said to yourself, out loud. 'Shit' you said again out loud.

Letting these words out into the open, even when no-one other than you could hear them, only stood to solidify the internal struggle you were facing on a daily basis.

You'd been struggling for a while. Some days were easier than others. Some days you drifted in and out, work got done, clients were seen, cases were solved and there was barely another blip on your radar. 

Those were the days you felt more in control, like you were one step ahead, where everything was at arms length and it all felt a little lighter.

But then there were the other days. The days where nothing got done. The days when your stomach involuntarily flipped the second you walked in the door. The days where you unknowingly sat waiting for a conversation to spark up. The days when laughter, infectious laughter filled the air and you totally lost yourself as you savoured every moment.

A couple of things had really been eating you up lately, more so over the last 2 months. Firstly how exhausting it had become to fight back this wave. It kept growing and growing and keeping it from crashing down was taking far more will and concentration than you ever thought possible. The second and the biggest thing was the guilt that tore your heart in two. You felt you were keeping this enormous and terrible secret. 

You felt people around you knew, when in reality they didn't. You felt exposed and vulnerable, at the same time exhausted and on top of it all, the guilt you felt that kept you awake at night.

Over and over again you tried to remember when the trigger point was and how you had let yourself fall so hard.

The new British Men of Letters Head Quarters had given you a new office mate, someone you had never met before.

This weekend, although not your thing, would be good for you. A Men Of Letters retreat, where you'd meet like minded people from all over the world, you'd do some networking, share insights and stories and explore the world beyond the confines of the office.

You didn't know anyone who would be there, which in itself was both empowering and terrifying. You had rented a 2 bed cabin on the complex and had advertised a lodge share but at the time of leaving, no-one had taken you up on the offer.

The retreat was a 2 hour drive from your house and frankly you were glad to be away from there too. 1 small child and a husband who worked nights and drank too much had left you in dire need of some alone time.

And as you drove, the guilt started to build again because not only were running away from your family for the weekend, you were running away from the fact you had fallen for someone else.

You were so confused and conflicted, a frustrated tear slipped out of your left eye, dripped down onto your cheek and evaporated.

You pulled off the main road and drove down a dirt track, which seemed to go on forever with nothing but fields as far as the eye could see. However when you turned a bend and headed downhill, the retreat came into full view. 

A thick wood, rich and green opened up. You could see log cabins tucked away into various corners and a blue lake shimmering under the spring sun made the whole trip worth while.

You pulled into the car park and quickly collected your suitcase and belongings. You had dressed in business wear, not knowing if it was the right thing to but you still wanted to impress. Your knee length pencil skirt hugged your hips and your beige stilettos gave you a confident stride. A black blouse and your long brown hair pulled over one shoulder completed your look and you weren't surprised when 2 other business men glanced your way as you approached the business centre.

'Good morning'said the receptionist cheerfully 'you must be here for the societal network event'

'Yes, I am' you replied warmly as you handed over your ID and business card.

'Urm' you whispered quietly 'I offered a cabin share on our networking group but I'm not sure anyone took me up on it, please can you check?'

'Of course' she said smiling 

You waited, tapping your fingers on the desk as she rattled away on her keyboard.

'Yes'she replied, 'it does look like it was taken up last minute. The other party has arrived already' she coughed and corrected her stance

'What is it?' You asked

'They seemed real nice' the receptionist blushed. Your mind wandered as you began imagining who you might be sharing with.

You laughed a little and collected your keys.

'Have a good day' you said in closing to your new, overly familiar friend.

Your lodge was a 2 minute walk from the business centre but you didn't mind. The sun was cutting through the trees and the birds were singing. You instantly felt better. If all you did this weekend was watch the lake and listen to the birds you were sure you would find some peace and hopefully some clarity which would allow you to release all these pent up emotions out into the universe and you could return home to your family with a new sense of purpose.

Your shoes clattered on the wooden steps up to the lodge and you left your belongings by the door as you entered.

'Hello?' You shouted into the echoes 'Anyone here?

And then your heart sank as a familiar voice filled the air.

'Well, well, well' He said as he came in through the back door of the lodge.

You held your breath. 

He walked towards you wearing his trademark cheeky smile underneath his slightly blonde beard. His black framed glasses housed his beautiful brown eyes, that squinted up at the side when he smiled. His tight blue jeans, white shirt and tweed jack just made your tummy flip again.

'What are you doing here?' You asked, half laughing, trying to maintain composure.

But inside you were screaming.

'We all talked about coming and last minute, I managed to work it out' he replied

'Is everyone else here?' You asked, wondering if the rest of the office had made it.

'No just me' he smiled, whilst passing his gum from one side of his mouth to another 'Is that OK?'

You were stood so still, you had almost forgotten to breath

'I guess it's gonna have to be' you said, picking up your things and charging past him

'What ever is the matter my dear?'he said as you got half way up the stairs. You abandoned your things and stomped back down.

'Really?' You said, slightly tilting your head and putting your hands on your hips.

The smile soon left his face. He pursed his lips together and folded his arms but his eyes, they didn't leave yours. You hated how he could do that, knock you off your feet with a simple look.

Frustration and anger was bubbling inside you and you couldn't help yourself.

'How am I supposed to get over you, when I can't get away from you?' You blurted out holding his glare.

'Get over me?' He replied, a hint of sarcasm in his voice

'Yes, get over you' you squeaked back 'We have been dancing around this for months' you replied

He tried to speak but you cut him off

'Don't try to deny it' you said holding your finger up. 'It's driving me nuts' you took a breath 'the flirting, the too long arm touches, the innuendo. It has to stop, I can't take it any more'

He didn't give you chance to continue your tirade. He sucked his gum, frowned, turned and walked out without saying a word.

Flabbergasted you froze on the spot.

You gotta leave you said to yourself as you sat on the wooden stairs of the lodge. You knew you were either gonna burn your most important business relationship or you were gonna end up in bed with him. You were stuck and the most sensible thing to do was leave.

You collected your items and was heading for the door when your phone vibrated and you were alerted to the opening speeches at the business centre. As you still had a career to deal with you decided to go.

You sat with a great group of people and the speeches left you feeling inspired and invigorated. As usual, you were the life of the group and the conversation, so you invited everyone back to your lodge for a couple of drinks. The Men of Letters like to drink, oh boy do they like to drink, especially Ketch but he liked nothing but single malt. Mick was a hoot to be around but other than a passing glance in the corridor, more often than not, when he was covered in blood, you hadn't spoken. You were enjoying getting to know them 

Being around these though, people gave you the kick you needed, so much so you hadn't thought about your awkward conversation in hours. The drinks were flowing, the conversation was lively and animated and the evening was a raging success.

Close to midnight, people began to leave and it was only when you shut the door on your final guest, you realised he had sneeked in through the back door.

He still looked melancholy but his frown had relaxed a little and the gum he had been chewing was gone.

He walked towards you and to avoid being close to him, you scuttered round the kitchen and put the marble island between the two of you.

But it didn't seem to matter what was between you, you felt this pull, this electric and incomparable attraction. You couldn't stop. You had spent all your energy trying to repel it but after 3 glasses of wine, you couldn't fight it anymore.

He came and stood in front of you. Purposeful and confident, he looked in your eyes.

You reached out, grabbed a fist full of his shirt and pulled him tight against you. His hips pressed into yours as he put his hands on the counter either side of you. He leaned forward, pushing you against the counter, looking down at you, his breath tickled you nose and then your lips as you raised your head to look at him.

'I can't figure how strong my feelings are for you' he purred

You pulled his shirt a little more and one of his hands settled on your outer hip.

'One day, I feel like I'm in control and the next I want to rip your clothes off''

Resting his forehead gently against yours he whispered 'I don't know if I can fight it anymore'

He squeezed your hip and sighed heavily.

Your heart was pounding in your chest. Your mind was screaming at you to stop, but your body ached for him. You released your balled up fist, allowing you to press your body into his. Every movement was slight and slow.

Your body moulded into his, the hand once on your hip was spread across your lower back. Your hand that held his shirt was now at his shirt collar.

He kept his eyes closed as he sighed, his breath was shallow, staggered almost. You could feel his heart pounding as fast as yours.

You were frozen, on the brink. You could pull away and no harm had been done or you could remain where you were, a stance when any slight movement took you closer to that line.

Your thumb gently brushed his neck and he flinched, reaffirmed his hand on your back and he raised his head, opening his eyes.

Frustration, desperation and desire burned in him. He felt like he was on fire and you were the fuel burning beneath him.

'Tell me what to do' he begged

You held your breath and dropped your hand off his collar. Your palm gently fell down his sleeve and you reached around your back. You locked your fingers into his and moved his hand off your back.

'No' you answered as you slipped to his side.

Before you knew it, he pulled you back to him, his hands cradled your face and he gently yet firmled pushed his lips into yours. You balled his shirt into your clenched fists and pulled him against you. He pulled away swiftly before kissing you again, his lips slightly parted as they moved against yours. His fingers dug into hair, he pulled your head back as pressed you against the counter, pushing his hips against yours.

Your pulled your leg up as one of his hands moved out of your hair and down onto your hip.

Your kiss grew in intensity and you could hardly breath. You slid his jacket off his shoulders, letting it drop to the floor behind him. His lips had left yours and were on your neck, up behind your ear. You threw your head back, running your hands onto the back of his neck as he softly kissed your collar bone and up your throat.

Even now, you knew you could push him away and you could both leave this situation relatively unscathed.

But then you felt his warm hand flush against the skin on your back and before you knew it, you were frantically unbuttoning his shirt. With one swift and effortless motion, your shirt was flying over your head and his was on the floor on top of his suit jacket.

Your skin touching his sent shock waves of electricity surging through your entire body. You pulled at his back and shoulders as he kissed you with such animalistic intent, you actually felt his chest growl as he moaned. 

He pushed your skirt up with both hands, digging his fingertips into your hips and butt cheek. He lifted his leg and slid his thigh into your crotch, rubbing with just enough pressure against your folds to make you ache even more for him.

The noise you made stopped him in his tracks. He took a moment to pull his lips away from yours. Irrespective of the present situation, you both knew each other so well, nothing needed to be said. You knew it drove him crazy when he had the top of his collar bone tickled and he knew that if he pressed his finger tips into the base of your hair at the back of your neck you'd melt.

Perhaps this was where the problems began. Oversharing your weak spots and wondering if you could push them just the right way. 

As he tickled your neck, you unbutton his belt buckle and slid the zipper on his jeans down. His firm, erect cock sprang free as he dropped his jeans and pants to the floor. You couldn't help but briefly look down, satisfying the curiosity as to whether that blonde tinge in his beard was confined to the hair on his head. It was not.

A couple strokes was all it took to have him moan, loudly. Your thong was on the floor and your legs were spread before you had chance to think. He gripped you knee as you wrapped around him and he slowly, so slowly eased his girth inside you. And just when you thought he had filled you up, he pushed a little harder and you let out a guttural moan.

He moved inside you so effortlessly, almost like he had planned out his every move. 

'Don't stop' you begged as he buried his face in your hair and pulled your hips, sinking into you deeper. 

You threw your head back, inviting him to kiss your throat as he pounded into you over and over again.

Your scratched your nails into his firm shoulders, barely able to control the noises coming out of you. 

You felt his body tense and you started to firm up around his cock. His shaft rubbed at your clit as he thrust into you over and over again. You came so hard, you screamed his name. You felt him shudder and his grasp on you tighten as he reached his peak, his mouth wide open and his eyes scrunched up in euphoria. He pushed again, draining himself inside you as he almost gasped for air. 

He held you firmly against him as he found his balance and you squeezed him tight around his neck, unwilling to let him go.

You let out a long breath as he withdrew.

You didn't exchange words, just an intense gaze as he pulled his trousers up and you adjusted your skirt and pulled your shirt back over your shoulders.

Within seconds you were halfway up the stairs, your jacket, shoes and thong balled up in your arms.

He didn't bother to put his shirt back on. He just stood at the counter, hands gripping it so tightly, his knuckles were white. He bent over hiding his face.

'I love you' he said as he corrected his position. It stopped you in your tracks and you gave him a nod, beckoning him to follow you.

You were exhausted. All those months of trying to fight how you felt had come to a somewhat inevitable conclusion. You felt validated that you weren't completely out of your mind but a trickle of guilt started to seep in as you dressed for bed.

Yes he had followed you as you wanted but now you weren't sure what to do with him. 

You had changed into shorts and a vest top and laid out stretched on the bed facing the door. He entered, bare chested and grinning, wearing long lounge pants. He flexed a little. He wasn't hugely sculpted but he had enough tone to make you bite your lip.

He removed his glasses and set them down on the table. He rubbed his eyes. You wasn't sure you'd ever seen him without them. He squinted to focus and you smiled because you knew he felt vulnerable without them.

'Come here' you said softly as patted the bed behind you. He obliged and you knew he would do as instructed. He liked strong women, after all, he married one.

But in that moment you were in your own world, no-one else was there and everything felt right.

He lay behind you and pressed up against your back. For a few moments he lay still, his hand on your waist and his mouth on your neck. The heat radiating from him was intense. His body against yours stirred something so baser in you, you didn't know how to respond.

He felt you tense and he delicately moved his hand up your side and under your arm. He lifted it and guided your hand upwards pressing it into the back of his his neck. You held him firmly, but gently moved your thumb across the soft skin on the side of his neck. He seemed to like that.

When he was sure you weren't going to pull away, he gently slid his hand back down your arm, down the side of your breast and onto your stomach. He spread his hand underneath your vest top, stroking your tummy with his finger tips before pulling you back firmly against him. You twisted backwards to kiss him. You couldn't stand not kissing him.

You rolled onto you back, ushering his lips into yours. He pulled your vest top down and placed his palm on your breast, kneading it softly and playfully. The want, the need to be close to him overwhelmed you. He slid on top of you, his full weight on top of you. It felt so good to have him pressed against you, to feel his warmth and to feel so at home beneath him. But it scared you.

You caught his face as he released his lips from yours and you both paused a moment as he hovered over you. You held his face in the palm of your hand and he closed his eyes and nuzzled into you.

'What the fuck are we gonna do?' He said hesitantly and sat up.

The look on his face said more than any words could. He'd reached over and pulled his glasses on. You sat up and sat close to him. He twiddled a lock of your hair in his fingers as he gazed at you smiling.

'You're fucking beautiful' he said 'inside and out'

You dropped your head, coy, vulnerable. He gently lifted your chin with his finger and gently kissed you. The type of kiss and connection that touches your soul. But your bottom lip wobbled as you pulled away.

He knew and you knew.

'I love you' you said softly 'but after this weekend, we have to bury this'

He nodded and looked away, squeezing your hand tightly.

'So for now, I need you to lay behind me and wrap your arms around me' you said as a tear fell down your cheek.

'And I need you to hold me like I'm the most important person in the world' you went on.

'And you need to let me fall asleep with your breath on my back and your face in my hair' you sniffed. He squeezed your hand again.

He flicked a tear off his cheek as he nodded

'And I'll hold you against me and feel your warmth on my skin.... and maybe if I'm brave enough I'll actually let myself fall asleep..... and when I do, I need you to whisper again that you love me..... and I need you leave a kiss lingering on my cheek' you could barely contain the tears at this point '.....and I need you to leave and never come back. You need to start your new job, you need to delete my number and we need to never see each other again'

He scooped you in his arms and held you against him. You could feel his chest heave as he tried to contain his tears.

'In another lifetime this would have been a very different story' he said.

Your head was rested on his chest and he rested his against you and held you tight.

You looked at him again and leaned forward to kiss him once more. When you tried to pull back, he lurched forward and dug his hands in your hair, just the way you liked it

'Some chapters of the story are never read aloud' you said 'but that doesn't mean they aren't important'

He smiled 'you have such a way with words'

'You will forever be a chapter that's tucked away in a safe place'

'As will you' he replied

'And although the chapter is short, it doesn't make it any less filled with love' you concluded.

With that final word you were once again on your back, being kissed by a man who would never be anything more than your hearts best kept secret.


End file.
